Go beyond good listening.
Practice giving validation!
Picture a woman telling her mate that the movie they just saw deeply angered her because it showed callousness toward cats. He liked the movie, but can see she is upset. A happy-couples quiz: How should he react? Remind her it was just a movie (and they were just cats!), so it’s silly to be […]
Continue readingEmpower others through praise!
Alert them to their core strengths.
What’s the most empowering praise you ever received? Chances are that it was something specific, not vague, and that it called attention to at least one of your core personal strengths. Honor the purpose of praise. As you expand your influence through the power of praise, remember the purpose of praise. It’s not to win […]
Continue readingStand by your praise!
Share it with the world.
My client Lynda showed up for her session stressed out because a fellow director at her company had praised her. Does Lynda have a problem accepting compliments? Not at all. It was the director’s delivery that spooked her. Secretive praise arouses anxiety. “This morning’s meeting was loud and contentious about when to release our next […]
Continue readingThe secret ingredient
of subconscious influence.
How do you direct your subconscious “Pymalion power” to bring out the best in others? This is trickier than just giving encouragement or praise. To tap into this particular scientific “magic,” we must go deeper. Words alone aren’t enough. In the last blog, we talked about how you can direct others’ subconscious influence over you […]
Continue readingHow to direct the “magic”
of the Pygmalion effect.
J. K. Rowling once told Oprah that she doesn’t believe in magic. Me neither. I believe in science. But new science tells us that we have nearly magical powers to affect other people. And that means, others also have some powers over us. The question is, what will you do about it? We are all […]
Continue readingImprove your relationships
by giving praise. Be specific!
“My friends do a lot for me and I want to help them too,” my client María told me, “But I don’t have any free time.” Fortunately, there’s something that everyone wants and needs, which any of us can give, and which doesn’t demand much time—but does require sincerity and specificity. And that is, praise. […]
Continue readingWhat creates good relationships?
Positive interactions and trust.
“With so much relationship advice out there, I feel overwhelmed,” my client Martin said. “Can’t you just give me the basics?” Why, yes. What creates a good relationship? Scientists have discovered two foundational pillars: positivity and trust. Research now shows that for any relationship to thrive, whether it be personal or professional, romantic or platonic, […]
Continue readingWant to help your friends? Celebrate their wins!
My client Karen thought she was an ideal friend to other people. A registered nurse, she was especially conscientious about helping out in times of trouble—consoling the heartbroken and running errands for the bedridden. She couldn’t understand why her friends didn’t want to spend more time with her, or why some of her friendships ended […]
Continue readingAuthenticity means vulnerability: Why you can’t fake positivity.
I have an annoying behavior that I’m working to change. It’s a lifelong habit of sharing sad personal information with a happy face. My intentions may be good, but even if they are, scientific research reveals why the effect can be off-putting. Emotional congruence invites empathy. In one brain-imaging study, researchers used PET scans to […]
Continue readingA caring tone means more than words alone. Bosses, take note!
We’ve all heard that to nourish our relationships, we’ve got to dish out plenty of praise. And that’s true! But science shows that praise delivered in a negative manner may be worse than no praise at all. Meanwhile, even criticism given with compassion creates a positive experience. Warm-and-caring always wins! An Australian study tested what […]
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