My client Karen thought she was an ideal friend to other people. A registered nurse, she was especially conscientious about helping out in times of trouble—consoling the heartbroken and running errands for the bedridden. She couldn’t understand why her friends didn’t want to spend more time with her, or why some of her friendships ended […]
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Welcome to our guest blogger, Results Coach Marilyn Suttle. She’s an international conference speaker, communication expert and the bestselling author of “Who’s Your Glady? How to Turn Even the Most Difficult Customer into Your Biggest Fan.” “Complaints 101” can get you into trouble. If it’s essential to handle customer complaints well, then why do so many service […]
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My client Kevin called me, frustrated that he’d finally been chosen to lead his team—and it wasn’t working out. As leader, he was being forceful with his teammates, he said, but they were stubbornly resisting his authority. “They’re used to me being Mr. Nice Guy. Now that I’m in charge, that’s got to change.” Was […]
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I have an annoying behavior that I’m working to change. It’s a lifelong habit of sharing sad personal information with a happy face. My intentions may be good, but even if they are, scientific research reveals why the effect can be off-putting. Emotional congruence invites empathy. In one brain-imaging study, researchers used PET scans to […]
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We’ve all heard that to nourish our relationships, we’ve got to dish out plenty of praise. And that’s true! But science shows that praise delivered in a negative manner may be worse than no praise at all. Meanwhile, even criticism given with compassion creates a positive experience. Warm-and-caring always wins! An Australian study tested what […]
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In our personal and professional relationships, most of us like to think we’re supportive of other people as they pursue their goals. But if in our desire to help, we become, let’s say, “over-enthusiastic,” we may do actual harm. One common mistake is to offer suggestions (even valid ones) too aggressively, or in the wrong […]
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Ever heard of a “social allergy?” This psychology term refers to the condition of finding someone else’s particular habit intolerable. Does it repulse you that your romantic partner always leaves the cap off the toothpaste? Does it horrify you that your co-worker very loudly slurps her coffee? Social allergies develop over time. When you begin […]
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Now that she’s been promoted to manager, Nell discovers that one of her charges, John, is underperforming. He’s talented, and once was a good worker. After observing him for a week, she sees that he is simply slacking off. He arrives late, leaves early and chats on his phone throughout the day. He shows zero […]
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Almost 100 years ago, psychologists discovered the Zeigarnik Effect: We tend to dwell on matters that we’ve left incomplete. Among couples, I call it the Grudge Effect. When one partner remains upset about an unspoken issue, that issue takes on bigger and bigger significance until it’s dealt with. So if you’re holding on to a […]
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Maribeth knows her husband Joe so well she can see through his blind spots. She loves him so much that she draws on her wider perspective to give him great advice. He could get a raise if…. He’d tell jokes better if.… He’d be happier if…. She’s always right. And it backfires every time. Give […]
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